What is Domestic & Family Violence?

This can include, but is not limited to:

• Driving dangerously
• Destruction of property
• Abuse of pets in front of family members
• Making threats regarding custody of any children
• Asserting that the police and justice system will not assist, support or believe the victim
• Threatening to ‘out’ the person

This can include, but is not limited to:

• Blaming the victim for all problems in the relationship
• Constantly comparing the victim with others to undermine self-esteem and self-worth
• Sporadic sulking
• Withdrawing all interest and engagement (for example weeks of silence)
• Emotional blackmail and suicidal threats

This can include, but is not limited to:

• Systematic isolation from family and friends through techniques such as ongoing rudeness to family and friends to alienate them instigating and controlling the move to a location where the victim has no established social circle or employment opportunities
• Restricting use of the car or telephone
• Forbidding or physically preventing the victim from going out and meeting people

This can include, but is not limited to complete control of all money, through:

• Forbidding access to bank accounts
• Providing only an inadequate ‘allowance’
• Not allowing the victim to seek or hold employment
• Coercing to sign documents or make false declarations
• Using all wages earned by the victim for household expenses
• Controlling the victim’s pension
• Denying that the victim has an entitlement to joint property

This can include, but is not limited to:

• Direct assault on the body (strangulation or choking, shaking, eye injuries, biting, slapping, pushing, spitting, punching, or kicking)
• Use of weapons including objects
• Assault of children
• Locking the victim in or out of the house
• Forcing the victim to take drugs, withholding medication, food or medical care
• Sleep deprivation

This can include, but is not limited to:

• Any form of pressured/unwanted sex or sexual degradation by an intimate partner or ex- partner, such as sexual activity without consent
• Causing pain during sex
• Assaulting genitals
• Coercive sex without protection against pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease
• Making the victim perform sexual acts unwillingly (including taking or distributing explicit photos without their consent)
• Criticising or using sexually degrading insults

This can include, but is not limited to:

• Following and watching
• Telephone and online harassment
• Tracking with Global Positioning Systems (GPS)
• Being intimidating

A person does not need to be married for it to be considered ‘domestic and family violence’. It can be perpetrated by a partner, family member, carer, boyfriend or girlfriend. A person does not need to experience all of these types of abuse for it to be considered domestic or family violence.

You might think children don’t worry about people fighting at home.  You might think children will soon forget things they see – like mum being hit or parents screaming and yelling at each other, but they don’t forget.  Children can be badly effected by domestic violence.  They may be physically hurt or emotionally hurt.  They may behave differently and have trouble coping with school.

Many children believe they are partly to blame and may think they can make things better by not saying how they feel, or by keeping out of the way.

Our relationships and families should provide us with the things we all need, including love, care and support within a safe environment. Sometimes, however, this is not always the case.

If you are unsure whether the circumstance(s) you find yourself in are within the realm of domestic and family violence, please read the list provided below.

• Make you feel uncomfortable or afraid?
• Often put you down, humiliate you, or make you feel worthless?
• Constantly check up on what you are doing or where you are going?
• Try to stop you from seeing your own friends or family?
• Make you feel afraid to disagree or say ‘no’ to them?
• Constantly accuse you of flirting with others when this isn't true?
• Tell you how the household finances should be spent, or stop you having any money for yourself?
• Stop you from having medical assistance?
• Scare or hurt you by being violent (e.g. hitting, choking, smashing things, locking you in, driving dangerously to frighten you)?
• Pressure or force you to do sexual things that you don’t want to do?
• Threaten to hurt you, or to kill themselves if you say you want to end the relationship?
• Interfere with your online access or access to the phone?
• Hurt your children, or performed violent actions in front of your children?

• Fearful or scared?
• Anxious?
• Sick?
• Numb?
• Like you have no confidence?
• Are you having trouble sleeping because of these feelings?
• Do you have physical symptoms, such as tense muscles or racing heart beat because of these feelings?
• Do you have trouble concentrating because of these feelings?

• If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of these, then there are signs that you are not being treated right, or that you are being abused. If you don't feel safe, respected and cared for, then something isn't right.